|Welcome week in review|
by Nathan Seckinger
Credit cards, military and beer
Dear Students, Welcome to the University of Regina, home of booze and rock- 'n'roll.
As a small sample of the wide variety of academic subjects from which you can choose, we have offered a number of interactive dis- plays and events for your pleasure, which can be found both in our halls and on our aptly-named Academic Green.
First and foremost, we would like to draw your attention to our giant inflatable can of Molson's beer.
In case you missed it, you can find the information you are looking for on the numerous flags and glossy posters advertising Molson's which we have plastered all over campus for your convenience. This is in cele- bration of our new diploma program in Beer Studies.
The rising popularity of this pro- gram may be due to the fact that stu- dents who participate in it are encouraged to avoid both classes and homework, and to be impolite and irrelevant on the rare occasions when they are in class. Also, we have offered a certificate program, as we don't expect our drinking students to finish a full degree.
The University of Regina is a proud participant in the Saskatchewan economy, and we eagerly advocate the growth of new industries that provide work for young people.
Foremost among these are pow- erful multi-national credit companies that both employ our students and offer a variety of new ways for stu- dents to get into debt.
Beer Studies is, unfortunately, one of our more costly programs, and so we eagerly encourage you to col- lect as many credit cards as you can, so that you can keep on drinking without fear of consequences. After all, that's what school is for, right? Check out our catalogue for informa- tion on ECON 107: Approaches to Advancing Capitalism and ADMN 107.1: Keeping Them Broke: Techniques of Youth Persuasion.
Finally, don't forget to show your patriotic pride and check out our display for the Canadian Armed Forces. In the past, we have dis- played this booth in our halls. But some concerns were raised suggest- ing that the middle of the Riddell food court was not visible enough, so this year we have placed it on the Green, right next to our beer tent.
We realize that some of you might have inhibitions about joining a military organization, so we thought that getting you drunk first might help ease you into it. After all, war is serious business, and we wouldn't want our young people going overseas without a little liquid courage to keep them strong.
If you want more information, see our pamphlets for Political Science 107-001: Pacifism is for Sissies and our new course in advanced gender theory, PSCI 107- 002: Women and Queers can Kill, Too.
Congratulations, and good luck in the coming year.