| The Carillon vs 2000-2005 |
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by Dan MacRae the Carillon We at the Carillon are happy to contribute to the current state of instant nostalgia. Salut! Memories of the highs and lows we’ve met in the past while. With nearly half a decade under our collective utility belts, the Carillon has taken the liberty of unveiling our list of The Best Singles of The Past Five Years (2000 -2005). Somehow Jet Set Satellite didn’t make the list. Let the bickering and geeky scratchfights begin! 1. The Strokes - Last Nite: Despite the prophesies, The Strokes did not become the biggest band in the world. The “new rock revolution” fizzled, hype translated into backlash, and other bands swooped in. But it’s this song that makes you wish that the prophesies were true. 2. Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River: Hell hath no fury like an N’Syncer scorned. This was both Justin’s acid-tipped kiss-off note to Britney and the confirmation that we have a George Michael for the aughts. 3. Outkast - Bombs Over Baghdad: Clubbed out and arguably queered out, the ’Kast trampled over dancefloors like a fleet of linebackers. Ass-shaking welcome. 4. Outkast - Hey Ya: Andre 3000 makes dreamy, heart-drenched pop about making you “cumma.” There’s a reason that everyone loved this. If you don’t , you’re simply a dick. Fact! 5. 50 Cent - In Da Club: A club-gobbling E-fuelled monster. Fiddy struts in the bulletproof vest that is Dr. Dre’s unassailable production. Yes, you can make a hit after getting shot in the face. Take note, Kurt Cobain. 6. Coldplay - Trouble: An intricately beautiful song with that haunting bit of piano guiding its hand along the way. Back when we thought Coldplay being the biggest band in the world would be a good idea. 7. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps: Karen O unravels from trashglam-by-way-of-New York Shrieky from Care Bears-to-heartbroken-everywoman. About as subtle as Gene Simmons’ tongue in your ass, but assuredly much better than that. 8. Eminem f/Dido - Stan: As a rapper, Eminem proved his weight as a character actor with this grim portrait of sycophantic idol worship. If you don’t get goosebumps when Stan’s girlfriend screams while tied up in his trunk, you might want to get a soul on layaway. 9. The Roots f/Cody ChesnuTT - The Seed 2.0.: And then rap-rock turned itself inside out. Intelligent rhymes, addictive drum beat, soul-stirring hook. This is the closest we may ever get to a Sly and The Family Stone revival. 10. The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love: Doing nothing but confirming their reputation as “the straight Queen.” Hawkins & Co. thrust their codpieces into the ridiculous. Complete with catsuits, falsettos and handclaps! 11. Norah Jones - Don’t Know Why: Polite middle of the road radio pandering? I think not! It’s smoky sexy blues pop that is as seductive as Angelina Jolie doing a fan dance! 12. The Libertines - Can’t Stand Me Now: A fractured rock marriage careens out-of-control through a dark alleyway of spite and smack. Complete with front row seats! 13. Beyonce f/Jay-Z - Crazy In Love: Strutting down a horn-sample catwalk, Ms. Knowles leaves Kelly and Michelle in the welfare line, and on to pop diva royality. She harmonizes with herself for fuck’s sake! 14. Whiskeytown - Jacksonville Skyline: Ryan Adams leaves home, finds his hometown in a glimmering shitbox. It’s a bit like Walking Tall, but ignore that. It’s alt-country that buys real estate in your chest. 15. Clipse - Grindin’: Riding a menacing Neptunes beat more minimal than Bono’s hairline, two Virginia drugdealers distribute gangsta rap terror while managing a Top 40 pop smash. 16. The White Stripes - Fell In Love With A Girl: Brother and sister? Husband and wife? Did it really matter? In two minutes Jack and Meg splattered their red and white dirty rock riff spunk up the wall. 17. The Vines - Get Free: Aussie manic spaz rock from a band that at the time had more buzz than Bridget Jones’s vibrator. Complete with teenage screaming and breakneck guitars. 18. Missy Elliott - Work It: Very rarely has pop music allowed an overweight woman to be so outrightly sexual. Hell, never. Still, Missy brags about shaving her “chocha” and gets dirrty as hell. 19. The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army: From Lego-video curiosity to rock-radio staple all in the sneak attack that is the opening chords. Chords so essential to history they give Jack White a free pass on his series of facial hair disasters. 20. t.A.t.U. - All The Things She Said: It wasn’t fair at all really. Faux-lesbian-Russian-schoolgirls shouldn’t have access to electropop this genius, and the result was pervy Machiavellian genius. 21. Kanye West - Through The Wire: Instead of buying a bullhorn and shouting at passersby “I ain’t dead yet, dicks!” Kanye spent his recovery hours after his car accident crafting his whip-smart coming out party. 22. Andrew WK - Party Hard: The white crunk, this is a sweaty tornado of bruising rock sound. Quite possibly the national anthem for fun. 23. The White Stripes - Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground: Resembling a motor home wheeling off a cliff and smashing every rock on the way down, it’s all a well-crafted roughed up blues punchout. 24. The Streets - Dry Your Eyes: Sobbing in your Guinness lipquivering heartbreak with no room for filtering. Mike Skinner strikes a universal chord here as he watches his bird walk away. 25. Modest Mouse - Float On: To summarize, a moody indie darling scores major crossover hit (we’re talking appearing on Kidz Pop compilations big) with a glorious cereal bowl of euphoric fireworks pop. 26. Eminem - Lose Yourself: “Eye of The Tiger” for the BET generation, Em battles and pummels himself into self-confidence. A five-minute epic that made Barbara Streisand have to cough out his name at the Oscars. 27. Missy Elliott - Get Ur Freak On: As colossal as comeback singles get, Missy got rid of the garbage bag outfits, kept Timbaland’s production, and happily was crowned the Queen of hip-hop. 28. Dead Prez - Hip Hop: If the cracker-baiting lyrics didn’t make suburban white kids feel queasy, the sick nuclear meltdown of bass probably did the job. Maybe Public Enemy didn’t die in vain. 29. The Hives - Hate To Say I Told You So: Impeccably dressed and suavely dangerous, The Hives unleashed their Mafia on a tightrope bit of garage rock menace. You are sick, The Hives are medicine, etc. 30. The Darkness - Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End): Quite possibly too ridiculous for words. Justin Hawkins breaks out his green and red catsuit, employs a children’s choir, and shows all the restraint of Liza Minelli with prescription drugs. Batshit crazy in a good way! 31. stellastarr* - Somewhere Across Forever: Before The Pixies reformed and delighted buffet owners fans, some New York art punks managed to make the best Pixies track Black Francis never did. 32. Kylie Minogue - Love At First Sight: Having a bum so engrained in pop culture it demands its own field of study, it’s only fair the ex-Aussie soap star should have an ass-dominating bit of disco gold with her. 33. Coldplay - Yellow: The official point where Chris Martin went from “geography teacher lookin’” rival of Travis to frontman for the new U2. Video was a bit shit though, wasn’t it? 34. Ron Sexsmith - These Days: Sun out of the clouds romantic pop that actually is quite miserable underneath it all. If you only buy one genius record for standing still while the world moves in fast forward this half decade . . . 35. The Exploding Hearts - Sleeping Aides and Razor Blades: Two-and-a-half minutes of heartbreaking powerpunk, made all the more tragic by the fact three quarters of the band died before it was released. 36. Freelance Hellraiser - A Stroke Of Genius: The official standard for mashups with Christina’s “Genie In a Bottle” vocals cooing over The Strokes as though it was always their devious plan. 37. Outkast - Ms. Jackson: Proof that divorce rock needn’t be the terrain of emo pizzafaces, Dre and Big Boi make outrage and apologies to your baby’s momma touching and funky. Supposedly about Erakah Badu! Allegedly. 38. Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out Of My Head: See #32, but lavish it in worldwide popularity and airplay. 39. The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize?: The standard life-affirming swoonpop from those crazy ol’ Oklahoman maverick pseudo-hippies. Plus, it somehow makes a lyric about everyone you know’s inevitable death, well, fun! 40. The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist: Astoundingly more important than its cut and paste format should allow it to be, The Avalanches unleashed a sample-heavy dance Frankenstein. Except without the killing children bit. (We haven’t really been arsed enough to fact-check this.) 41. The New Pornographers - Your Daddy Don’t Know: Canadian indie’s version of the X Men (which would make them Alpha Flight, I guess, consult your local nerds) manage to somehow make a Toronto song cool. A cure for cancer to follow. 42. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out: Secretly, everyone would rather that these Scottish fops would just continue with the song they start out with in the first minute, but the bouncy aftermath is fine as well. 43. The Postal Service - Such Great Heights: Dropping irony like a thirty pound bag of The Bravery, and adopting aching, even childish, emotional honesty, we have independent spacepop for the Garden State generation. 44. The Go! Team - The Power Is On: Attacking the ears like a band of psychadelic Huns, we have the elements of a nutbusting, dance rodeo. Complete with handclaps, schoolgirl chants, and horn sections ideal for dodging bullets. 45. A Camp - I Can Buy You: Nina from The Cardigans goes alt country and hits paydirt. Paydirt in the form of a desperate begging from a princess who can’t win the pauper she longs for. |