Waygook in Korea
Christmas in the land of the lady boy
by Corry Day
the Carillon

Corry’s friend Dallas gets a special Christmas gift.

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There is a saying amongst us teachers in Korea . . . “the best thing about living in Korea is leaving!” Okay, I know that this sounds harsh, but it is more of an appreciation for the proximity to South East Asia than a dislike for our hosts. Some of the cheapest and best travelling in the world is only a movie and five or so gin and tonics away! So as you probably have already guessed, I have chosen Thailand in which to spend my Merry Ho Ho! I am actually writing this while sitting next to the beach and watching the sun go down while the surf crashes against the sand . . . okay, okay, enough of the Hallmark moment, nobody wants to hear about that.

For those of you who have not been to Thailand before, or the two of you who have not seen Leo in The Beach, Thailand is technically the “Land of Smiles”. . . but a more accurate defintion would be something like this. Welcome to Thailand . . . the land of fake Diesel, Versace, Rolex, Boss, Prada and so on and so on. The land where drugs and prostitution are illegal and totally unavailable . . . yeah right! But seriously (actually I was being serious. . . but), it is a place where you go and feel completely free and unrestricted by any type of governmental or societal restraint! This just may be one of the reasons every person I know in Asia visits there any and every chance they get . . . there, that was my soap box speech for the day.

Anyways, one of the strangest and most interesting “things” Thailand has to offer is the world famous “Lady Boys!” These surgically manufactured “women” are extremely common everywhere and anywhere you travel across this great country. Many places in South East Asia are extremely open to alternate lifestyles (in fact, the guy making me coffee right now has touched me just a couple times too many and commented on how smooth my skin is). These guys feel free and open, to be all they can be! So in honor of the boys who have cut off their toys . . .

I give you The night before Christmas (Thailand version).

Twas the Night Before Christmas, when all through the whore house,

Many a married creature was stirring, but minus the spouse.

The ladies were dancing around their poles and twirled their hair,

In hopes that one of the 60-year-old rich men would soon care:

The backpackers were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of pot fields danced through their heads.

My friends Mike and Dallas with their beer and I with my blender.

Had just settled in for a 8-day-long bender.

(Skip to last paragraph)

“She” spoke not a word, but went straight to her work.

And she was good at “her” stalking, while Dallas felt like a jerk.

And laying “her” finger aside of his thigh.

Dallas gave us a nodd and smiled good bye.

Then he sprang from his chair, to his boys gave a whistle

Away “she” and he flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, as he brought “her” in tight,

Merry Christmas to all, but “she” has something not right!