Dear Dr Pablo,
You may remember me, Doctor. I'm the guy who tried to smuggle drugs across the border for you, and as a result I'm now serving a 10 year sentence. I hope that you're not still angry with me.
My problem is that my brawny cellmate, Tiny, seems to have taken a shine to me. I'm not sure why, but he refers to me as what is equivalent to his "female dog" to all the other inmates.
On one hand I'm happy, 'cause he protects me from the bad inmates in here. On the other hand, I often wake up to find him sleeping in my bed. I wouldn't mind this too much if he didn't have such rank body odour.
Also, I think he moves a lot in his sleep, 'cause I feel a little sore in all sorts of places when I wake up.
What should I do?
Chico

Dear Chico,
I see your problem. I recommend that you buy your cellmate Speed Stick.
Cordially yours,
Dr Pablo

P.S. What gives you the idea that I'm angry with you?

Dear Dr Pablo,
Hi, Doctor. You may remember me; I'm the guy who killed my last cellmate for buying me a Speed Stick. As you know, my foul body odour is a very sensitive issue with me.
Well, my new cellmate doesn't seem to like me. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Tiny

Dear Tiny,
I think he likes it when people inflict physical pain on him. Try it.
Truly,
Dr Pablo